It is amazing how people grasp for control in every situation. No matter how small the tiny piece of control makes us feel secure in a way. Secure that we can in deed influence what happens next...That since of control was just shattered for me. I came to the very real ...realization that no matter what I have no control. Does that make me fight harder for control? Will I become submissive to the fact that what will happen WILL happen?
The smallest thing can change your life for the better or worse and whose to say we have any control over that? Sure we can pick which side of the sidewalk we walk down, or what train to take, or who to talk to. All wonderful forms of control, but can you make your heart beat one extra time or one less for that matter? Can you ensure that it will continue to do its vital job of keeping you alive? Can you make it stop skipping when someone you long for enters a room? Nope, you can't as i have so grimly come to realized.
Every time my heart flip flops and sends a shooting feeling through my body that makes me feel as if i have just jumped backwards off a skyscraper I am reminded that something so small that I can not see controls the vital functions of my body. Will it continue to provide vital assistance? That is the question i am faced with today...
I have prayed, I have cried, I have been angry, but I know God....and daily i have to remind myself that he has and always is in control.
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