I love dreaming. No matter what kind of mood I am in or what is going on in life I can count on my dreams to take me on an adventurous, crazy, and sometimes creative ride. Of course all dreams I feel are a form of release or creativity (which everything from a scientific stand point on dreams is debatable I am putting that aside) I think its awesome when you dream that last piece of the puzzle you were looking for. I look forward to my dreams which is saying a lot considering when I have nightmares boy are they ever nightmares. I have them few and far between now. Of course there is the occasional unwanted scenario in a dream but i find even those are welcome. Dreams are like living another life in the safety of your mind. Some would argue that the places and people and objects in a dream are just extensions of the dreamer, and they very well could be, but pretend with me for just a minute.
You’re in your dream state and there’s a person there that you have never met but a part of you feels drawn to that person like he/she is real. You can't see the face all to clearly but you know the face comforts you. (Some could argue that this was the dreamer recognizing pieces of themselves.) But what if ...(there’s those words i like) What IF they are other dreamers, people you were suppose to have met if you had just waited a couple more minutes before leaving the restaurant or if you had taken the subway instead of car pooling....
Despite my writing i believe that nothing is left up to chance. I believe in the God that created the everything...(for those confused about who that is...God in the flesh Jesus) just to clear that up.
The mind and its workings are so complex...and i find it amusing to dream and ponder that fun question, What If.
(I am on an editing strike so i will be leaving any grammatical or spelling errors as they are. I have enough of my internal editor during my writing process, i just want to throw all that away for a minute and focus on just the words that i write.)
I have been debating that question for the past couple of days. Okay, it may have been months but who is counting. I had decided one lonely night at work that i was going to be inspired to carry my poetry into longer form and create a novel. Now all i needed was something to write about. That shouldn't be hard considering I’m never with out some kind of words to put together, granted I’m not a big out loud talker to people but believe me there is plenty in my mind left unsaid. That funny little quip that i could have released at the co worker who stuck her foot in her mouth, or the loving words i thought about my daughter as she slept so peacefully behind her fort made from a bed sheet and a school student style desk, or the consistency of my husband belting out Chick ah cherry Cola when ever i play a certain song or saying POP when every the radar detector buzzes with a flashing P.
Point is i was going to write, but someone failed to remind me that i have yet to really finish any project outside of work and reading a complete book (believe me the book has to be amazing for me to finish...i have started more books then i have finished.) Why don't i follow through? Its not for lack of interest there are still so many "scenes" for each of my characters to go through, so many experiences that i want to put on paper and have it bound for other to judge and critique...lessen. Maybe that’s my problem, I’m scared to fail? No, i don't feel scared to fail. I may feel unequipped at times, but not afraid of failure, maybe its ADHD.
For years i have focused or blocked out feeling or unwanted thoughts or to many thoughts by touching each finger tip like my fingers are running scales or the frets of a guitar. It has always calmed me and i never looked at it as anything other then an unusual habit. Come to find out it has a name and a purpose; i have noticed i have been doing it a lot more lately. Does that mean anything? Probably not, but back to my non-finishing issues. I have started 4 books. Granted, the first try was a complicated subject. I would start off with something traumatic to learn about. The second was better and i made it through 14 chapters but not with out confusing myself with having 5 main characters (or should i say strong characters) I am compelled to write a prequel story for each character that will probably never see the light of day but non-the less I want write it, i have not finished the initial writing and won't finish until i have sorted that out. The third attempt was better i knew where i was going just not fully enough to not skip around scenes. The fourth was well i started NANO last November and i didn’t want to screw up the book i had started you know the 3rd attempt so i picked an idea out of my idea book (one that i least liked) and went at it. I am still working on that and it is coming along well....that is till i deleted half of it exchanged characters, took out a main antagonist and made the once "good guy" to play a dual character and then from left field comes (insert character name i will not disclose here) who was a minor character that was just a vehicle to play out another scene and now he is the unsuspected hero so to speak. Do i like where it is headed yes! Have I written anything in a week? NO!
I better go break is over at work.
Do i expect anyone to read this? No! But, gohlie gee if i don't feel a little less defective now.
Another thing, I am refusing to edit this i am posting it with typos and grammatical errors and what ever other English language law i broke...
